birthday neighbor.

dear anthony (a.k.a. tony, antonio, anth, little foot, or amps),
happy sixteenth birthday! i love having you as my birthday neighbor. it was the best birthday present when i was five to have a new baby brother.
you make me laugh & i have loved watching you turn into who you are today.
for instance, a pro at riding unicycles. who would have thought? it's awesome & maybe someday you'll have to teach me your skills.
sixteen is one of the best ages so live it up! (and please get your drivers license asap so you can take over the carpooling ;)
love you brother!
love, lindsey

like, woah.

i am TWENTY-ONE!
there is something about turning 21 that is empowering.
i really feel like this age might be the perfect one. & i'd probably be fine if i stayed 21 for a few extra years.
these past few years have been lovely in so many ways. i think back to when i graduated high school & i realize how much i have grown since then. you think you know everything as a high school student but you have barely even dipped your toes in the waters of life.
these past three years have been a roller coaster of so many experiences & i am grateful for each and every one of them. the good & the bad. i know so much more about myself & about the world around me. i know i will never be done learning though, which is fine with me.
i somehow have been blessed with amazing opportunities & i can't wait to embark on my next adventure in spain. this time with not just one but three of my best friends! yeah, i'd say life is treating me pretty darn good these days.
so here is to being twenty-one! i have a feeling it really might be the best year yet.


p.s. thankyou weather for giving me some warmth & sunshine for my day of birth(:

{i typed this yesterday & thought i posted it but for some reason it didn't work... oh well}

mikayla got home from school & turned on some tunes.

it's "you & i" by ingrid michaelson. so we are singing...

"oh let's get rich and buy our parents homes

in the south of France

let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters

and teach them how to dance

let's get rich and build our house on a mountain

making everybody look like ants

from way up there you and I, you and I"

love that song. & those lyrics.

mikayla is on one today. she said "i'm way happy today and i think its cause i ate breakfast. i never eat breakfast. and usually i'm just angry after school. but today i had time to eat breakfast and i'm just happy!"

so my lesson of the day: always eat breakfast. you will be much happier.

i can't make up my mind about the weather. and the weather seems to not be able to make up its mind either.

sometimes all i want is warmth & sunshine but then the days where it is pouring and i hear the rain pattering on the roof and i look up at the foothills above my house and see how lovely&green they are rather than dead&brown; i am so grateful for the moisture we have been receiving. cause i know that soon enough it will be gone for a very long time. 

i have five weeks left here in this sweet home of mine so i'm hoping to soak up every second of it because before i know it i will be on a plane to the other side of the world. its a bitter-sweet feeling for me right now. so much to do still & so little time. so many changes taking place. plus, i'll be twenty-one in just three days! oh dear.. when did i grow up?

life. 
it is so confusing & frustrating at times.
just when you think all is good & clear, it changes.
nothing ever stays the same.
change is inevitable. there is no avoiding it. 
sometimes change can be good. i mean a lot of times i even like change.
but other times i don't. especially when its the kind of change that takes my clarity away from me.
the clear path i am on disappears right in front of me & when i open my eyes again, i am in an unfamiliar place.
a place i have never been before. and it scares me.
fear takes over. fear of the unknown. fear of change.
this new place is foggy & i can't see clearly where that new path will lead me.
how can i trust that it will lead me somewhere i can feel safe & secure again?
and when will i find that clarity & peace that once was mine?
the things is, i don't know. and there is that fear again.
but this time i tell myself its okay. that somehow this path will lead me to exactly where i need to be. 
because in all this confusion there is still one thing i know with a surety. that i can "trust an unknown future to an all-knowing god". 
and that is all i need to know right now.

a trip down memory lane.

since the weather didn't provide for sunbathing, i spent the day yesterday doing some spring cleaning. 
i worked on my room... but mostly my closet. 
i pulled everything out. 
sorted it. 
got rid of some of it. 
and then organized it to all fit back in.
of course i could have probably done it much quicker than an entire day but i tend to find things from my past that take me on a trip down memory lane.
i found myself stopping for an especially long time when i found all my past journals. 
the first one started at age eight and they were fairly consistent through out the years until now. 
i was surprised at how much i have already forgotten about my past. you know, the little things. it made me feel old. but it also made me really glad i had documented these memories. memories that throughout my busy life had been set on a shelf in my mind and have since then been collecting dust year after year. 
however, there were plenty of instances where i found myself laughing & thinking.... do i really want people to possibly read these one day?! 
what will they think of the crazy/spontaneous things my friends and i did such as stealing my parents car while they were on a date or sleeping and going to wendy's (on several occasions) when i didn't even have my license! 
(i have already told my parents about taking the car. i figured that since it's several years later and since i didn't get caught by the cops or in an accident, they can't really do anything about it anymore ;)
or what about the times where i was pouring out my heart about my worries & cares? do i want people to read those as well? 
i noticed several times i wrote in my journal "i don't even know why i just wrote about that, cause i don't really want anyone to read it later!" so maybe i should just burn them when i'm old? 
but maybe they will mean something to someone for one reason or another. i don't know who will get a hold of my journals when my life is done. but i guess it doesn't matter cause i'll be gone anyway, right?
i would love to have journals to read from my ancestors. that give a glimpse into what life was like when they grew up from their point of view. to read things that give me a better understanding of who they were, the things they liked doing, the hard times they got through, their happiest moments, etc. 
and although i love the option of blogging for much quicker writing and not to mention pictures! i still think there is something special about things written by the hand of the author. 
it seems more personal and real.
i hope to continue writing little journal entries here & there for even just myself. to reminisce the next time i clean out my closet. 


have any of you kept journals? what do you think about people reading them once you are gone?

happy mother's day mama!

my mother has the kindest heart. 
it is a rare occasion to hear her raise her voice.
she also has the patience i hope to one day acquire.
i have the best memories when my dad would watch the boys & my mom and i would sneak off and have "special time" since i was her only daughter for nine years. 
and most importantly, i have never questioned her love for me. she has always told me often in her words and actions. i hope i have done the same because i sure love you mom! 


xo  lindsey marie


*sadly i don't have recent pictures of my mom on my laptop :(

happy 1st birthday to the most adorable twins ever.

oh how i love them so much!